she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
accomplished twins. life is a go
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
