No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
