If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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