Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
