The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
