She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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