I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
