I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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