i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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