I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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