Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
