Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
