I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
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