question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
