Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
My life is pants optional.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
