All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
