that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
