Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
