There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize