Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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