I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
