is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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