so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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