so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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