I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
