I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
