eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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