This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
