Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
