I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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