my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
