To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
