You're my little dorito
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
