my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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