I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
