people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Randomize
