Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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