There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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