You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
