So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Lo siento on account of my penis...
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
