I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
