You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
