i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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