I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
