tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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