I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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