chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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