what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
