i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
