I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
