Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
zippers are such a cool invention
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
