Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
