i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
