In America we eat man semen.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize