Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
