No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
