i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
