Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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