i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
