You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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