You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
