do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
