Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
