please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
