I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
We named our party play list daddy issues
Michael Bay diarrhea
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize