I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
