She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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