why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
