dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
