it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
