Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
