oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
