i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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