Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
