he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
