Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
