420 ftw
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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