okay pat passed out under dana's car
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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