If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
My liver just had a heart attack.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
