I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
