That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My vagina is very pro this idea
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
