I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
