Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
