He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
This baby is an asshole
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
