YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
