Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
