Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
