Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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