How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
