Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
