If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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