We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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