I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
