what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
