come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
